September 6, 2010

Fact #57: Yes, I can imagine

I have a very active imagination -- some might even say an over-active imagination. I like that about myself. It's fun. Usually.

You know when it's not fun? When I'm stuck in a giant metal death trap 36000 feet in the air and we hit turbulence. Then my imagination nearly kills me, either by visions of the plane dropping like a stone or the heart palpitations those visions induce.

I try to be calm. I try to breathe. I try to accept my own mortality. I eat my tiny bag of pretzels. Sometimes I even watch movies. But no matter what I do, the little voice of my imagination keeps on talking. And this is what it says:

"Oh my god, what was that bump? Did we hit an air pocket? A hole in the space-time continuum? What if the pilot got sucked into an alternate dimension? Who's flying the plane??? I wonder if it's better if the engine fails when we're this high up or when we're in the final descent. If it fails now, that's a loooong way to fall. But then maybe there would be time for some kind of backup engine to kick in. If it fails as we're going in for a landing, we'll have less distance to fall but less time to react. Especially with no pilot. What's that buzzing noise? Did an engine just fall off? Why is everyone so calm? Okay, if no one else is concerned, it's probably all fine. Wait a minute, what am I saying? These people are idiots. They don't know anything about flying a plane. Wait a minute, neither do I! Who's flying this plane??? The sign on that exit door says it weighs 42 pounds. That's kind of a lot. There's no way that woman is gonna be able to open it. Why would you lie, woman?! I'm gonna be trapped inside this dumb plane because you wanted more leg room?! What if a wing falls off? How often do they test for that sort of thing . . . ?"

And so on. For as long as the plane is in the air.

I'm in negotiations with my imagination to see if on the flight back maybe I can swap out some of the visions of twisted metal and flames for other, nicer things, like teddy bears baking cupcakes. So far it's not going well. My imagination is kind of a bitch sometimes.

Til tomorrow!

1 comment:

Q Schroe said...

At least that giant metal death trap delivered you to your family, yay!