Fact #364: Fingernails vs my bank balance

Usually I just have to look at my fingernails to know how much money I have.

I've been doing massage therapy as a support job for almost five years now. As a therapist, I have to keep my fingernails pretty short so I don't end up incorporating accidental acupuncture into my massage sessions. So I generally trim them or file them down every couple of days, or even every other day if I'm working a lot.

That also means I have a built in warning system when my funds are about to dip. If I notice my fingernails getting a little long, it means I haven't worked much lately and I haven't had that built-in reminder to trim them.

But now that I'm about to start school, it just occurred to me that I can do whatever I want with my fingernails! I could grow them or paint them or... well, I guess those are the two main things I could do. They're just fingernails after all. But still!

And I might. I might try growing them out to a nice girly length and painting them a nice girly color.

I guess I'll also have to start checking my bank balance at the ATM like a normal person.


Til tomorrow!

Fact #362: Kneejerk reactions (emphasis on 'jerk')

Not to make myself sound crazy, but I have a sort of running commentary / conversation with myself going on in my head most of the time. (You know, like normal people do.) Anyway, in my internal commentary, certain things always elicit the exact same response every time I encounter them. For example:

Whenever I see a person walking a tiny little yapper dog, the voice inside my head says, "That's not a real dog!!"

Whenever I walk by a policeman, the voice inside my head says, "Aaaah!!!! He's a got a gun!" (Then I check to make sure I'm right.)

Whenever someone orders a disgustingly sugary blended drink with whipped cream and a cookie and a bagel, the voice inside my head says, "Thisiswhyyou'refat.com."

So now you know the truth. I may seem nice and sweet on the outside, but inside I'm judging you and your dog, and checking you for firearms.


Til tomorrow!

Fact #352: I am a bottomless vat of human emotion

Today was one of those days -- I'm assuming everyone has days like these, but I could be wrong (please tell me I'm not wrong!) -- where I started crying at 8:30am and never really got it back together.

I mean, I wasn't a weepy mess all day. It was just there the whole time, ready to burst out again every couple of hours for another round.

I'm a little stressed. And I'm a little sad. And I'm a lot tired.

It seems to be a system I've worked out with myself. When I don't give my eyes enough time to be closed at night, they punish me by spewing tears all day.

So just deal with it, bus-driver-at-8:30am-wondering-why-this-crazy-girl-is-crying-on-your-bus. It had to be done.

And now I feel better.


Til tomorrow!

Fact #349: Help

One of the hardest things for me to do is to accept help without feeling like a big fat failure, a drain on society, and a hopeless, helpless lost cause.

I'm working on it, though.

I'm trying to get better at accepting help with simple grace and gratitude, knowing that those moments will come when I'm able to turn around and help someone else.

That's slightly easier said than done. But I'm working on it. 


Til tomorrow.

Fact #348: More space

It's another post about space, folks. Deal with it.

This afternoon (after being as productive as I could reasonably expect myself to be in one day) I curled up on the couch to watch last night's episode of So You Think You Can Dance. And then this dance made me cry.



Aaaah! Tears! Emotions!

I love words and language, and I'm a little shy -- so I sometimes wonder why I didn't gravitate more towards writing than acting. (Not that you can't do both, 'cause you can.) But I think the reason I picked acting, why I love it so much, why I do it even when it makes me feel like I might barf, is because of things like that dance.

Because of bodies in space and what they can communicate.

Sometimes it's bigger than words.

(So why didn't I become a dancer instead of an actor? Well, I do still think language is pretty awesome. Also, have you seen me dance??)


Til tomorrow!

Fact #346: Tattooed!

I got my third, and probably last, tattoo this evening.

All three of my tattoos are on bony areas -- one on my sternum and two on my ribs. But this one hurt the worst!! If I knew any government secrets, so would my tattoo artist by now.

It's big. It's the biggest one I've ever gotten. I'm kind of scared of it. But I love it.

It's all shiny and 3D right now, but I can't wait for it to settle in and become part of me. I'm already forgetting what I looked like without it. 


Til tomorrow!

Fact #341: I covet Surly gear

Ooo, ooo, ooo! I want one of these.

I used to have one, actually, but I donated it in my big moving purge. (And, to be honest, it was actually Freddie's. I sort of commandeered it, despite the fact that it was way too big for me.) I told him he could take it to California when he moved, but he didn't want it anymore! It's almost like his girlfriend stole it and wore it all the time until it was all faded and old.

In my defense, I was gonna get one of my own, but for a long time Surly wasn't even selling them. But now they are! In girl sizes! And I want one! (Even though where I'm going, it'll only be hoodie weather for about 10 days a year.)

But I still want one! I wanted it my whole liiiiiiife!


Til tomorrow.

Fact #331: Here's what I've been thinking about

I was looking at the labels I've put on all my posts over the past 330 days, and here's what I found out.

My top three topics, over 50 tags each, are:

Acting
Things I Think Are Funny
Deep Dark Secrets

Hm, sounds about right. I would call that an accurate reflection of my psyche.


Til tomorrow!

Fact #325: Personality test

I realized something about myself today.

I'm not so much a "glass half empty" person. Or a "glass half full" person.

Nope. I'm more of a "Wait, are there other glasses? How full are they? What's in all of these glasses? Is it the same thing in every glass, or different? Can I do a blind taste test? Can I do a not-blind taste test? Am I allowed to mix two glasses together? Can I go back and look at the first one again?" kind of girl.

I can't help it! I just like to consider my options!


Til tomorrow.

Fact #323: The truth

I've been posting on this blog for 323 straight days. That's a long time. I feel like we've really gotten to know each other over these past months. I feel like I can trust you.

So I'm gonna tell you the truth.

The truthiest truth I can truth.

Are you ready?

Okay.

*deep breath*

I don't have any idea how to take care of my cast iron skillet. (Hangs head in shame.)

A few years ago I got a cast iron pan, and I've been using it for most of my stovetop cooking ever since. When Freddie moved his stuff out, I insisted vociferously that he let me keep the skillet because it's seriously one of my favorite pieces of kitchen equipment.

But the truth is, I do not understand the basic care and maintenance of cast iron cookware.

I'm supposed to season it, right? And I'm not supposed to wash it with soap and a scrubber like my other dishes, right? Well... imagine that I have occasionally washed it with soap, and don't actually know if I've ever seasoned it. Is that bad? How bad is it?

What should I be doing to make my skillet happier? And also to make myself feel more like a top chef and less like a hack and a destroyer of quality cookware?

Thank you for listening to my truthiness and not judging me. (And if you did judge me, thanks for keeping it to yourself. And if you didn't keep it to yourself, thanks for nothing.)


Til tomorrow!

Fact #290: Shaken, not stirred

I like being shaken.

...did that sound weird?

Probably. Oh well.

Being shaken is awesome! You might think I'm crazy, but don't knock it til you've tried it. (Have I ever steered you wrong before? You've already tried moaning, right?) Seriously, I'm not making this up, and it's not just the ranting of a slightly odd individual -- I'm a trained professional. Shaking is a totally legitimate massage technique, as explained here:

Jostling and shaking can stimulate muscle tissue if applied rapidly or ease stress and tension if applied gently. Jostling and shaking help prepare the tissue for range of motion and stretching.

See? See? It's a real thing. And it totally works.

Freddie used to laugh at me because even if I was in the depths of a major crisis/meltdown/pity party, all he had to do was grab me and shake me to make me smile.

What can I say? I'm pretty low maintenance. 


Til tomorrow!

Fact #286: Another rollercoaster ride of emotions

Do you wanna know a secret?

Despite the fact that I can't pass a dog on the street without stopping to pet it, despite the fact that in at least half the pictures ever taken of me I'm squeezing a puppy, despite the fact that I talk all the time about wanting a dog...

...sometimes I worry that I'll be a terrible dog owner.

That I'm just in love with being in love with puppies.

That I just like to pet them and play with them, and it'll be a whole different story when I have one of my own and I have to feed it and walk it and take it to the vet and be responsible for its whole life.

That I'm not up to the responsibility.

BUT. Then I remember how when I visit my brother, I unconsciously end up sitting on the floor within 10 minutes of walking into his house. Because that's where Bruno is, and I want to hang out with him.

I remember how I house-sat with Bruno for a week, and he slept upstairs in his little bed, right next to my bed. And how I unfailingly got up in the morning to feed him and let him out because his cold nose in my face told me it was time.

I remember that the only reason I don't have a dog already is because it matters to me so much to wait until I'm able to give it the best life I can.

And then I think, "I'll be the best dog owner ever!"

The only thing I really have to worry about is how it will break my heart into a hundred thousand million pieces when I have to say goodbye, as I inevitably will.

And that, despite how much I already know it will hurt, will be so, so worth it.

Til tomorrow!

Fact #274: It's not so politically correct

When my life gets busy and crazy and stressful, it really helps me stay happy and focused and stress-free if I keep up a regular regimen of running, yoga, and a healthy diet. Those are literally some of the best stress protectors I know of.

And yet...

Sometimes, when my life gets crazy and stressful, what I decide to do instead of staying active and eating right is to lie on the couch eating entire sleeves of Nutter Butters. That's so not good for you. I mean, me.

So this is what I tell myself whenever I'm feeling stressed or moody or overwhelmed:

"You don't have to get fat about it."

(It's not super PC, but it makes me giggle. And giggling is also one of the best stress protectors I know of.)


Til tomorrow!

Fact #268: Number 13

My class at UH will be the class of 2013. Oooo!

Luckily, the only thing I'm superstitious about is pennies that are tails up. (You will never, ever see me pick up a penny that isn't heads up. And I'm poor.)

I like the sound of 2013. It sounds like a good year. Plus, we'll have made it past 2012. (Woo hoo! Thanks, John Cusack!)

I actually think it's cool that some people consider 13 an unlucky number and others consider it a lucky number. It's like you get to pick a side. Are you pro-13 or anti-13?

It also cracks me up how a lot of hotels still don't have a 13th floor. (Don't tell those suckers on the '14th' floor!)

There are a lot of cool things about the number 13.


So here's to the lucky class of 2013!


Til tomorrow.

Fact #266: My crazy vs. your crazy

Isn't it amazing that we can actually ask another person to take us into their heart just the way we are? To look them in the eyes and say, "Hey, here's all of my crazy! You cool with that?"

Then again, I guess it's pretty reasonable, considering we can also look another person in the eyes and say, "Yeah, I see all of your crazy. And I'm cool with it."

We are crazy, bizarre, temperamental, tangential, irrational, silly, strange beings. All of us. Pretty much without exception. It's funny how much time we spend trying to hide that.

And isn't it funny how when people let us in on their crazy, those are usually the parts that make us love them best?


Til tomorrow!

Fact #264: April Fool

I'm a big fan of April Fool's Day. Even though I consider myself more of a year-round fool, on April 1st it really rises to the surface.

But it is a little tough being a master prankster when you're also a major idiot.

One of my favorite April Fool's tricks of all time is when you put a rubber band around the nozzle of the sprayer on the kitchen sink (if you have one). Then whenever someone turns on the faucet, they get sprayed in the face and you run into the kitchen to laugh at them.

I pulled this prank (quite successfully, I might add) on Freddie a few years ago in Chicago. It was so hilarious!

Unfortunately, I was too busy laughing at him to remember to take the rubber band off the sprayer. So 10 minutes later when I wandered into the kitchen and innocently turned on the faucet, I got completely soaked too.

I suppose I could consider myself an ultra-master prankster for being able to pull that trick on myself. But I'm pretty sure it just makes me a moron.


Til tomorrow!

Fact #242: My mad skills

It was rainy and dreary outside today, so I spent a big chunk of the afternoon curled up on the couch watching The West Wing and crocheting. I decided I'd spent enough time practicing, knotting and unraveling over and over. Time to get serious. I want a finished product here.

I'm working on a super top secret project that I can't reveal until it's completed. All I can say is that so far, my work looks nothing like the picture on the pattern. So... that's pretty exciting. It's like a mystery!

It also turns out that the colors of yarn I bought to practice with are gonna look pretty darn silly in this pattern. But you know what? I don't care. Because at least I'll have a finished product. A silly, lumpy finished product.

Don't make fun of me, or I'll give it to you when I'm finished.


Til tomorrow!

PS. I'm waiting for a big, big piece of news tomorrow. Cross your fingers if you've got 'em!

Fact #231: Facing the right way

Some wise words to live by.

"...each time a door closes, the rest of the world opens up. All we need to do is stop pounding on the door that just closed, turn around -- which puts the door behind us -- and welcome the largeness of life that now lies open to our souls. The door closed kept us from entering a room, but what now lies before us is the rest of reality." - Parker J. Palmer

This is a lesson I think I'll have to learn over and over throughout my life. It's in my nature to keep banging on the door. Turn around, Laurel!


Til tomorrow.

Fact #229: Defragmenting

My first laptop was a PC (now I have an iBook because I'm super hip). Anyways, I would occasionally run the disk defragmenter on my old laptop to make it use the hard drive more efficiently.


Since my iBook doesn't really trust me to do anything myself, it probably does this to the hard drive without telling me. Seriously, iBook, I can handle it! No? Okay.

But what I really need is a program to do this to my brain. I want my brain to be like that bottom bar, with all those nice big chunks of blue. Not like the top bar, with all those little tiny red lines all over the place.

Actually, I'm getting better at doing it for myself. Keeping all the different things I've got going on straight in my head. Narrowing my focus down to what I'm doing right now, instead of staring into the future and being overwhelmed by all the things looming in my path.

I partly credit yoga (it keeps me present). I partly credit my super creepy "Puppies Doing Yoga" wall calendar (it was a gift!!). I partly credit Steve Jobs (my iPhone mostly tells me what to do).

Either way, my brain definitely works much better when it's defragmented.


Til tomorrow!

Fact #228: Beautiful

This is gonna be another post about how much I hate to fly. If you're sick of hearing about it, just look at this:

Awwwwww..!

Now on to the serious business of my irrational fear of flying.

I flew back from California on Monday night, and it went a little something like this:

The flight is scheduled to land at 11:59 (just a minute before my birthday!), but before we take off the pilot tells us that the winds are in our favor and we'll get in around 11:30. Super sweet. So I try to settle in. I watch an episode of Modern Family. I listen to The Hunger Games on my iPod. I watch a ridiculous movie called Salt.

But I don't do any one of those things for more than 10 or 20 minutes at a time. I watch part of the movie and think, "Nope, this isn't working." So I listen to my iPod. "Nope, not working either." Of course, nothing really works because the only thing I really want is to be on solid ground.

Towards the end, I start getting super antsy from the horrible combination of rising panic and growing boredom. I'm literally counting down the minutes until 11:30.

Then, 10 minutes before we're supposed to be on the ground, the pilot makes an announcement that it's snowing too hard in Pittsburgh -- they cleared a runway for planes to take off, but haven't gotten one clear for planes to land yet.

He says they'll have a runway clear in about an hour and a half, but we don't have enough gas to just circle and wait. So we're being diverted to Buffalo. Literally, I swear he says, "We've got enough fuel left for about 30 minutes, and Buffalo's about 30 minutes away." About??? This is no time for 'about', sir!

Ten minutes later, as I'm envisioning us coasting into Buffalo on fumes, the pilot comes on again and says we get to go back to Pittsburgh, apparently now they think the runways are okay. Okay??? About??? Are these technical terms?

So we turn around and head back to Pittsburgh. By this point I'm pretty certain I'm going to die.

It doesn't help when I plug my headphones into the armrest and tune in to channel 9 (the open channel between the control tower and the planes) only to hear the control tower tell the pilot that, "braking action on the runway is nil." So what should we use to stop, then? The side of a building???

It also doesn't help that when the flight attendant tells us to put our tray tables up and all that, she also adds, "in the event of an emergency evacuation, please leave all of your carry-on baggage behind." Why, is there going to be an emergency evacuation???

Just in case, I put my phone and my wallet in my pocket so that in the unlikely event I survive the crash, I can call for help and then go get a beer.

I look at the girl sleeping next to me and want to punch her in the face for being able to sleep through this.

Then I look out the window.

We're right above the clouds, so it's totally clear. The moon is shining so bright in the sky, and it reflects off the tops of the fluffy clouds. It's so peaceful and beautiful. It's like the magic carpet ride in Aladdin. Only nobody drew this, it's real. I'm flying up in the sky and I get to see what the moonlight looks like on the tops of the clouds.

It's amazing.

It's breathtaking.

But I still hate flying.

Epilogue: We land just fine and everybody applauds. Then I trudge through the parking lot to my car, which takes me forever to find because it's buried in snow. Then I dig my car out of a giant snow drift. Then I drive home from the airport at 1 o'clock in the morning going 20 miles an hour because the roads are so bad. But I do all that with a smile on my face. Because at least I'm on the ground.


Til tomorrow!