Fact #363: Be honest, be brave

That's going to be my mantra for the next two years.

In just a little over a month, I'll be starting classes in my MFA program. It's gonna be crazy and wonderful and intense. I can't even quite imagine yet how it'll feel to be knee-deep in the program. But as long as I hold onto those things, as long as I remember to bring them back when they start to slip away, I think I'll be a-ok.

It's easy to hide. It's easy to bluff or fake your way. It's hard to be open, accountable, honest. It's scary. But it's how you get to the good stuff.

So when things get challenging and I just want to lock myself in my house and eat froyo all day and never come out, these are the words I'll give myself:

Be honest, be brave. 


Til tomorrow!

Fact #348: More space

It's another post about space, folks. Deal with it.

This afternoon (after being as productive as I could reasonably expect myself to be in one day) I curled up on the couch to watch last night's episode of So You Think You Can Dance. And then this dance made me cry.



Aaaah! Tears! Emotions!

I love words and language, and I'm a little shy -- so I sometimes wonder why I didn't gravitate more towards writing than acting. (Not that you can't do both, 'cause you can.) But I think the reason I picked acting, why I love it so much, why I do it even when it makes me feel like I might barf, is because of things like that dance.

Because of bodies in space and what they can communicate.

Sometimes it's bigger than words.

(So why didn't I become a dancer instead of an actor? Well, I do still think language is pretty awesome. Also, have you seen me dance??)


Til tomorrow!

Fact #343: You learn something new every day

For example, last night I went to a play and learned a whole bunch of stuff I didn't know about the Lindbergh baby and one of the prime suspects in the case, Violet Sharp.

If you live in Pittsburgh, go see this show! Do it. It's a fascinating story, and some really lovely work by the actors.


Til tomorrow!

Fact #332: Play with me!

A few years ago I was in a production of Mr. Marmalade in Chicago. I played a little girl named Lucy, who has a somewhat strange imaginary friend named Mr. Marmalade. It was one of my favorite roles so far, and one of my favorite shows. And not just because I got to wear a tutu.

It was just an amazing challenge to get into a 4-year-old head space. To find it in my mind and body. It's easy to play youth or old age with exaggerated physicality, but to find the truth in the actions is harder. I did a lot of yoga during rehearsals and perfected my deep squat, a move you see kids do all the time but most adults wouldn't even attempt for fear of blowing out both their knees.

(I don't know this kid.)

One of my favorite parts of the show was a funny little ritual that developed between me and Marz Timms, the actor playing Mr. Marmalade. The set for the show was very simple, a series of oversize blocks that were moved around to suggest different furniture pieces. Every night before the house opened, I'd go onstage to warm up and stretch. I'd do my regular stretches, then I'd start playing around on the set, moving around on it like a kid would.

And Marz would always come play with me.

He'd chase me all around the set and I'd shriek and giggle and try to run away or crawl up on the blocks to safety.

I loved that game. It got the two of us in the same head space for the show. It connected us. And the best part was, I never said, "Hey, wouldn't it be cool if we did our warm up together? Maybe you pretend to chase me, and I'll pretend to run away." It just happened. And it was so much fun!

Marz is a stand up comedian in Chicago, a super talented guy, and way cooler than me. He could just as easily have done his own warm up or rolled his eyes at my ridiculous antics. But he didn't. He got up and played with me. And I think that's super awesome.

I like playing.

See? I'm having so much fun!

Til tomorrow!

Fact #331: Here's what I've been thinking about

I was looking at the labels I've put on all my posts over the past 330 days, and here's what I found out.

My top three topics, over 50 tags each, are:

Acting
Things I Think Are Funny
Deep Dark Secrets

Hm, sounds about right. I would call that an accurate reflection of my psyche.


Til tomorrow!

Fact #314: We made it

A few years ago I was lucky enough to work on a film called The Christians, written and directed by a ridiculously talented guy named Stephen Cone. Funnily enough, the film is about a group of people who believe that the Rapture is about to happen, and the fallout in their lives when it doesn't.

So in honor of surviving my second brush with the apocalypse, here's the trailer for The Christians. I'm very proud to be part of this movie, and feel especially lucky to have met some of the most wonderful people I know while working on it.


The Christians (Official Trailer) from Jeffrey McHale on Vimeo.


Til tomorrow!

Fact #311: Finding balance

This is how I'd like to approach acting --

I'm not performing open heart surgery. I'm not dismantling bombs. I'm not developing greener technology or protecting endangered species or pulling people out of burning buildings.

What I do is not more important than any of those things.

What I do is sometimes very silly.

But it is important.


Til tomorrow!

Fact #299: It's fun being good at stuff

The difficult should become habitual, the habitual, easy, the easy, beautiful. -- S.M. Volonski (from Stanislavski)

It always cracks me up when a massage client says with surprise, "Wow, you found all my knots!" Um, of course I did. I'm a trained professional. 

But when I think about it, that actually means a lot.

I remember a moment early on in my MT training program when the instructor was teaching us how to feel imbalances in the body. I was working on one of my fellow students and he asked me which side of their back was more restricted. I moved my hands around in circles (very much like the Karate Kid practicing his wax on/wax off) then I randomly guessed it was the left side. Honestly, I had no idea.

Well, I do now. After massaging hundreds of people, after working on thousands of muscles, my hands feel things totally differently. I don't even have to think about it consciously, it's second nature now -- your knots are like magnets to my fingers.

That's the fun of getting really good at something. At first it's hard, but you practice and you practice until it's in your bones.  And it becomes easy. Then it becomes something else. It becomes intuitive. It becomes beautiful.

On a not-entirely-unrelated note, I'm so ridiculously, amazingly excited that I get to study acting non-stop for the next two years! (Acting and massage, people. I will always find a way to connect them.)


Til tomorrow!

Fact #297: Earmarks

As I work my way through my Monster Reading List for school, I write down certain passages that I want to remember. Especially since I've got so many books to get through, I feel like it'll help keep everything from blurring together if I have a reference for the words that really struck me. Like these:

To an actor a word is not just a sound, it is the evocation of images. So when you are in verbal intercourse on the stage, speak not so much to the ear as to the eye. -- Stanislavski

 Yah, I like that. 


Til tomorrow!

Fact #277: "Will blog 277 days straight for theatre tickets"

Last night Bricolage Theatre offered local bloggers a chance to see a preview performance of their new show, Hunter Gatherers. Even though I blush bright red to even think about referring to this blog as a real blog, I think I've already made clear my love of both all things theatre and all things free. So I jumped on that deal like a starving artist on a free theatre ticket!

(PLUS, when we showed up for the play we were greeted in the lobby by Odie, one of the sweetest dogs I've ever met. Puppies, free tickets, beer?? How many of my favorite things can be in one room at once? Well, maybe if they had a giant vat of froyo...)

The show was amazing! Some of it was hysterical, some of it was crazy, some of it was gross, some of it was sad. It's a pretty manic play that doesn't give the audience (or actors!) much time to catch their breath. But when those moments of quiet do come, they really hit hard.

As an actress, something I'm always trying to get better at is sitting in an uncomfortable moment. Hitting that point where it's awkward or painful or revealing or disturbing, and not keeping one hand on the railing. Not keeping up that tiny little barrier between myself and the uncomfortability (not a real word), so I could always back out if I wanted. Letting the tension settle, with no urge or obligation to cut it.

I thought they did that really well in this show, to hilarious and poignant effect.

Also, the special effects by Steve Tolin were amazing! There is (I don't think this is giving too much away) some blood in this show, and all of the stage effects and violence were really seamless.

So, in summary, go see Hunter Gatherers!! And then email me. 'Cause there are some things I want to talk about...


Til tomorrow!

Fact #248: That's why

I saw Precious Little at City Theatre this evening. I auditioned for that show a few months ago, so I was already familiar with the story. But seeing it on its feet was so lovely. It was funny and smart and asked questions but didn't beat you over the head with answers.

And it was a great reminder to me: That's why I do this. That's why I keep doing this.


Til tomorrow!

Fact #232: Mmm.. chunky

Tonight we shot another episode of The Baristas, which involved me willingly having oatmeal smeared in my hair.

You know. For art.


Til tomorrow!

Fact #214: I'm back!

Grad school auditions: check.

Yaaaaaaay!!!

It was a great trip! Lots of auditions -- some stressful, some wonderful and illuminating and energizing. I learned a lot about where I am as an actor, and what I'm really looking for in my training.

I also got to spend some quality time with good friends, including my awesome hosts. I didn't go out too much during the week, but I had some free time after my last auditions on Thursday -- during which time I managed to consume two delicious Belgian beers, half a basket of French fries, two entrees (I couldn't choose!) and two pieces of cake (I shared!). Yum. So worth it.

Now back to work!


Til tomorrow.

Fact #209: Chicago is great

I'm here, I'm here! I made it to Chicago in one piece -- thankfully, there were no shark attacks on the plane. (By which I mean no sharks tried to bite the plane in half, and nobody tried to yank my top down.)

It's nice to be back. I spent the whole El ride from the airport looking out the window and thinking about how much I love Chicago. It's a cool city.

I got settled in with my lovely hosts, spent a lazy afternoon catching up, had some delicious Tom Yum soup from Cozy's, played some scrabble, watched some Modern Family. . . I'd call that the perfect audition prep!

I probably won't have much time to post in the next few days, so it may be mostly pictures of puppies. But I promise they'll be very cute.


Til tomorrow!

Fact #208: But first...

Oh yeah. Before all of my auditions in Chicago, there's one little thing I have to do: get on a stupid airplane and fly way high up in the sky.

Waaah! Well, on the plus side, at least my paralyzing fear of flying takes my mind off any audition nerves.

Oog.

I know all the statistics about how it's safer than driving and all that. I get it. I know it's a pretty irrational fear. But it still freaks me out! Sometimes I even worry about getting hit (or should I say smooshed?) by a crashing plane while I'm walking down the street minding my own business.

I'm even afraid of this happening:



(Whether I'm flying over an ocean or not.)



Til tomorrow!

Fact #207: I want it

On Saturday I'm heading to Chicago to audition for graduate acting programs. I've been preparing for these auditions for a while -- choosing my pieces, working with a coach, tearing them apart and rebuilding them.

I meant to write about it more. I wanted to document my experiences and lessons learned through the process of auditioning for MFA programs.

Then I got nervous. If I spent weeks talking about how excited I was for this opportunity and how ready I was to go back to school, wouldn't it be a hundred thousand million billion times worse if I didn't get offers from any of the programs I wanted? If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, and all that... If I don't admit I want it, maybe I won't care so much if I don't get it.

But you know what? That's the whole reason I started writing this blog in the first place! To see how I move from place to place, from moment to moment. To chart the progression of the future into the present into the past.

I leave on Saturday. On Sunday I have my first audition. By Thursday I'll be back in Pittsburgh. By March, I should know if I'll be going to school in the fall.

I don't know what's going to happen yet. But I do know this: I want it.


Til tomorrow!

Fact #202: I like this

TED Talks are awesome.

As a person (and as an actor) I think this talk is so insightful. And lovely.






Til tomorrow!

Fact #195: Fine tuning

This afternoon I met with a woman who teaches at Point Park to work on my monologues for grad school auditions. I'd never worked with her before, so I was a little nervous going into the session. But it was super helpful!

Working with someone who doesn't know you at all can be so valuable. It's a totally fresh perspective. They don't come in knowing your crutches and habits. They don't bring all of their previous experience with you to the table. It's brand new.

It's definitely good for a little perspective!


Til tomorrow.

Fact #194: Realism vs Pessimism

I'm a very practical person. Empirical. Logical. I always have been. And that's cool by me.

But there's a point where being realistic crosses the line into being pessimistic. And that's not cool by me.

Realistically, I know that I'm endeavoring to build a career in a field where the odds of making a full-time living are pretty low. Where I'll hear 'no' more often than I'll hear 'yes'. Where I'll sometimes spend more time looking for a job than having one.

And those are facts. They're backed up by hard data and statistics. So I can't fault myself for recognizing the truth. For being practical enough to see that as much as I believe in myself (and I do!), so do the hundreds of other people competing for the same jobs I am. And the honest truth is that not all of us will get the job.

But that's where I have to draw the line between realism and pessimism. Because the other truth is, it's not really about the odds. Or at least, it's not just about them. It's also about the journey. About defining success my own way. It's about finding a way to see the odds, to accept the cold hard truths -- and then open my arms and just smile.

This helps. :)

Til tomorrow!

Fact #182: Punch. Lucy Punch.

As a lady who is an actor, I'll admit that sometimes I'm a harsh judge of other ladies who are actors.

I can watch a male actor and think, "Wow, what a great performance." But watching a woman playing a part that (ostensibly) I could also play, there's an impulse sometimes to think, "Meh, I could do better."

I'm not proud of that, but those are the facts of life.

But the upside is, when I watch an actress whose performance just blows me away, I know she must be really super-duper amazing because her awesomeness has overwhelmed my natural bitchy instincts. Instead of thinking, "Oh, she was all right... I guess," I think, "Holy crap, I wanna be like her!!!"

That's the reaction I had when I watched Dinner for Schmucks the other night. Lucy Punch, a British actress who plays Paul Rudd's stalker, pretty much walked away with every scene she was in.


She was so outrageous and honest and committed and funny and fearless. It was so fun to watch her. The only other thing I've seen her in is Hot Fuzz, but I hope she gets lots more work because she totally deserves it.

Also, her name is Lucy Punch, which is awesome.


Til tomorrow!