September 25, 2010

Fact #76: How about a little Choose Your Own Adventure?

Our story starts at 7am. Yep, 7am.

An alarm sounds. It's a radio clock tuned to the most bizarre station ever. Sometimes country, sometimes pop-rock, always earsplitting.

Our hero, Shlaurel Shloeder, leaps across the room and smashes the snooze button with all her might.
Should she...

A. Hit snooze over and over for another hour and a half before she absolutely has to get up?
B. Haul her lazy ass out of bed and go for a run?
If you chose...

A. Shlaurel sleeps very restfully until 8:30, despite launching herself out of bed every ten minutes to hit snooze. Why not just turn off the alarm? Don't even ask such silly questions.

B. You're a jerk.

At 9 o'clock Shlaurel joins her family, who are visiting from out of town, for some breakfast and coffee. In all likelihood, she drinks more coffee than she should. She plays with her niece and falls a little bit more in love with this adorable tiny person.

Oh no! Shlaurel almost lost track of time. It's nearly time for her to leave for her second-to-last performance of Much Ado About Nothing.
During the show, does she...

A. Move the audience to tears?
B. Step in someone's potato salad?
If you chose...

A. Never has an audience seen such acting!! In the immortal words of William Shakespeare, "down upon her knees she falls, weeps, sobs, beats her heart, tears her hair, prays, curses." It's... really something.

B. It's live outdoor theater, folks. That means actors' feet in your potato salad. Deal with it. (And thank you for not bringing egg salad.)

As soon as the performance/food fight is over, Shlaurel rushes home to change. She's got a wedding to go to! Two of her friends are getting married to each other.
Does she...

A. Shower, even though she already showered once today?
B. Not shower, because she's pretty much clean if you don't count the layer of dirt and sunscreen?
If you chose...

A. Shlaurel takes a shower. A really quick one. Didn't you hear the water running? Yeah, she already got out. No, seriously, she really did take a shower.

B. That's more like it! A little facewash, a little makeup, throw on a cute dress and some dancing shoes, and Shlaurel's good to go! (But if anybody asks, tell them she did option A.)

Shlaurel goes to the wedding. Sadly, she misses the ceremony because of her show, but she makes it in plenty of time for the reception. She sees old friends and celebrates with the happy couple.
At the reception, does she...

A. Dance her pants off?
B. Dance her pants off?
If you chose...

A. You are correct.
B. You are also correct.

After a long evening of dancing her pants off, Shlaurel picks up her pants, bids fond goodbyes to her dear friends, and heads home. Before she collapses into bed, she sets her alarm for 7am. She's an optimist.

The End.

Til tomorrow.

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