August 8, 2010

Fact #28: I have no idea what I'm doing

I like being right. I like it so much that sometimes I bet people a hundred thousand million dollars, even though I don't/they don't even have that much money, just for the satisfaction of jumping around yelling "I won a hundred thousand million dollars!!" when it turns out I'm right.

I like being right so much that sometimes I forget it's totally okay to not be right.

Starting rehearsals on a new show is sort of like the first day of school or something. You want people to like you. You want to fit in. You want to show you deserve to be in that class. You want to get the answers right.

The thing is, especially in the creative field, trying to be 'right' is shooting yourself in the foot. When I get nervous, self-conscious, doubtful of myself, I retreat behind my wall of getting the right answer. As if there's some way to prove that I'm qualified to be there.

But I'm finding a better way to deal with nervousness, and that's admitting that I don't know.

As an actor, admitting I don't know opens me up to collaboration, allows me to explore new ideas. It lets me get out of my head because I take the pressure off myself to figure it out all alone. It allows my fellow artists to support me, and brings everyone in on the task of making it work.

In life, admitting that I don't know the right answer gives me a chance to figure my shit out. And it gives other people a chance to say that they don't know either.

Because nobody really does, do they?

Til tomorrow!


Nate said...

I know, and I'm right.


Rick said...

I like your views here. I think I share your tendency - hmmm, maybe that's where you got it?!