October 21, 2010

Fact #102: Here's why you should tip me for making your coffee

I'm lucky enough to work in a pretty wonderful shop serving delicious coffee to very nice people. Mostly. Occasionally, though, people are just kind of jerks. I know that happens everywhere, and thankfully it's the exception rather than the rule at my job.

But just in case some people need to hear it, here are a few of the reasons you should consider tipping me for making your coffee:
1. I'm making your coffee. I make a darn good latte, and sure, that's not the most over-the-top useful skill in the world, but it is a skill. I'd like to see you try it, except I'm afraid you'd break the espresso machine. Speaking of which, do you have an industrial grade espresso machine at your house?* No? I didn't think so. Then enjoy the tasty drinks produced by this one, and tip me for my knowledge of how to pull delicious shots from this beast.

2. I'm hiding my rage at the fact that you ordered the most ridiculous, overly complicated drink on the menu just because you don't really know anything about coffee and are scared to admit that you don't even really like it. So you order the drink with as much sugar and chocolate and whipped cream as possible to cover up the coffee that you secretly fear. And I have to make it for you. And even though my overdramatic brain equates this with someone forcing me to dig my own grave and lie in it, I make your dumb drink with a smile on my face.

3. Your jokes aren't as funny as you think they are.

4. If you can spend over $5 on an espresso drink and not bat an eye (and order two more before you leave), you've obviously got the financial wherewithal to be able to spare a buck for me. If you're really so poor that you can't tip me, maybe you should think about what drinking coffee at home would do for your wallet.

5. It will impress your date. For real.
Thank you for listening to this Public Service Announcement. If you're already a good tipper (or as I like to say, "one of the cool people") you may disregard this message. If you're not, then feel free to print this list as a handy reference to keep with you when you visit food service establishments.

If I like you, this is how I will tell you. With coffee.

Til tomorrow!

*Yes? Where do you live? Can we be friends?


Q Schroe said...

Maybe if you started making dragons in your coffee, people would be so dumbfounded they would just tip their whole wallets!


Laurel said...

Gaaah! That's awesome!

I love the guy's look at the end, too. He's like, "Yeah. What?"

marianne said...

That dragon is truly awesome! If you do dragons in your drinks, Laurel, you would be rich with tips. Well, I'd like to think that's true....