January 30, 2011

Fact #203: Pet peeves

First of all, I love the expression 'pet peeves.' Because that's just what they are.

They're these little irritations that we carry around with us the way rich socialites carry tiny dogs in their purses. We keep them with us all the time and we take them out every once in a while to pet them. If we could, we'd put itty-bitty spiked collars on them and make them wear monogrammed sweaters in the winter.


I'm pretty sure everybody has at least a few pet peeves. Which I think is okay. I think it's kind of funny the weird things that drive people nuts. :)

A few of my top pet peeves:
1. Girls who suck at walking in high heels, but insist on doing it anyway.

Listen up, ladies of the world. Those heels might make your legs look stellar, but if they also make you walk like a lumbering yeti, you're ending up with a negative balance on the sexy scale. Seriously. Give it up. Or buy a Segway.

2. Plumber-butt on non-plumbers.

If you're not qualified to fix leaky pipes and repair plumbing, you don't get a free pass to hang your butt crack out of the back of your pants. Sorry. Also, how can you not notice that???? Don't you feel a draft?? Somewhere in the recesses of your mind, don't you have some vague sense of where your pants are in relation to your ass?

3. Spelling 'girl' with a 'u'.

There's no 'u'!!! It already has a vowel. It has an 'i', which does the job just fine. So why would you go out of your way to spell it wrong? I already ranted about this in another post, so I'll leave it at that... except to say, why?? Why? Why????????? *hyperventilates into paper bag*

4. The "Pittsburgh left".

I'm sorry, I know that's a thing here. But I hate it. Call me crazy, but I like following traffic laws. And it's bad enough when one car does it, but I've literally seen three cars in a row hold up oncoming traffic while they turned. It annoys me so much that I start revving my engine as soon as the opposing light turns yellow, just so everyone knows I'm not stoppin' for no one. I'm not sure how intimidating that actually is in my little Toyota Corolla, but I try...

5. Loud chewers.

Close your mouth. Please, for the love of humanity, close your mouth.

PS. When I Googled 'dog in purse', I also found this:


Then I laughed so hard I almost died.

Now I'm calling the ASPCA.


Til tomorrow!

3 comments:

Rick said...

I know technically that is a dog she is carrying on her hip, but in my world I have a hard time thinking of it as a real dog. (awesome - my Google word verification to post this has me type in "puppen" - maybe that's what she is carrying!)

marianne said...

That poor little dog can't be comfortable!

A Beautiful Mess said...

A cop pulled a Pittsburgh left on me the other day. A freaking cop!!! I still cursed at him like I'd done hard time though. No one who sucks at driving gets free passes there.