July 7, 2011

Fact #362: Kneejerk reactions (emphasis on 'jerk')

Not to make myself sound crazy, but I have a sort of running commentary / conversation with myself going on in my head most of the time. (You know, like normal people do.) Anyway, in my internal commentary, certain things always elicit the exact same response every time I encounter them. For example:
Whenever I see a person walking a tiny little yapper dog, the voice inside my head says, "That's not a real dog!!"

Whenever I walk by a policeman, the voice inside my head says, "Aaaah!!!! He's a got a gun!" (Then I check to make sure I'm right.)

Whenever someone orders a disgustingly sugary blended drink with whipped cream and a cookie and a bagel, the voice inside my head says, "Thisiswhyyou'refat.com."
So now you know the truth. I may seem nice and sweet on the outside, but inside I'm judging you and your dog, and checking you for firearms.

Til tomorrow!

No comments: